Killiney Road, Singapore
79° F (26.1° C)
After thirty some years, I should know better. I should be in better control of my own thoughts... emotions... heart... And yet, I find myself in a familiar melancholy territory...
Is my irrational fear of being hurt yet again the very force that drives me toward my own demise? Am I prone to devastating heartaches because I choose to put myself in such volatile situations? If, in fact, that is the case... should I forever abstain from exposing my heart... and the very emotions that drive me toward insanity...?
As Lord Tennyson once phrased...
I hold true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Perhaps I need to put less emphasis on the value of "have loved and lost" over "never to have loved at all"... and seek... and have hope for... love. Period. Or perhaps I should just invest less of myself so that I may survive a crash unscathed...
But for now... I am afraid it is much too late; I am completely vulnerable... without a shred of armor to shield me from emotional turmoil. I keep repeating to myself that these fears... are indeed irrational... knowing well that my fears, insecurities, and internal conflicts can be the very source of my devastation. I keep hoping for salvation... and yet... my salvation seemingly drifts further as the time trickles toward midnight...
3 comments:
Hey, I appreciate our brief chat the other day. I feel much better now, hope that you'll feel better soon too :)
(Note: Not sure whether the other comment got through or not, if it did, please delete this one. Thanks!)
Btw, you've been tagged :-D
Great profile. Interesting blog.
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