Hospitals...

Seoul: 31° F and slighly cloudy

For those of you who actually care and have been wondering where I've been, I've been in various hospitals. No. It wasn't for me. My little one... my little JJ, developed acute pneumonia from the flu and went into ER last Wednesday around 2:00 AM. I've been with him ever since. It's not like I neglected his symptoms. He's been to 2 local doctors who prescribed various medications. We went back couple of times; I was worried because his fever kept coming back. Finally, when his fever reached 103° F and Tylenor failed to make any difference, we went into Seoul University Hospital's emergency room. After about 16 hour stay, the doc finally said JJ had pneumonia. He should have been hospitalized right there, but they were booked with other cases of the flu (extremely high fever that didn't respond to anti-fever meds). So, we ended up in Korea University Hospital and been there ever since... JJ's doc hasn't approved his release, but I came back home for a change of clothes and a desperately overdue shower...

102.56° F

Seoul: sunny 35° F

OK... This is starting to worry me a bit. Last night, my fever went up to 102.56° F and stayed there for a while. It's possible I passed out once or twice from exhaustion. I've never been this sick for this long. All it took for me to shake any cold symptoms was anywhere from one to three days... and that was about 3 to 4 years ago. This time, the symptoms seem to subside for a while only to reemerge stronger... I can't wait to get back to the States...

UPDATE [2006.01.31]: turns out I was suffering from bronchitis brought on by the flu with dogged determination.

old journal entries: Solitude

Seoul: 22° F with clear skies

I have always been taught to live honorably. My father, and his father, told me of their own lives, the choices they have made, and why they made them. I was told trying to live honorably sometimes meant foregoing my own needs and not succumbing to peer pressure; solitude was an integral part of living with honor. I’ve always respected both my father and grandfather and I tried my best to live up to their expectations. But as I was sitting alone, waiting for my MeeSiam, I began to disagree; there had to be a way to live with honor and not spend my last years in solitude:

2005.04.16 18:54 EST
Penang, Chinatown, Boston

I feel as if I am headed toward my grandfather’s life. I seem to endure solitude much too well... I can still picture my grandfather... sitting in front of a TV, just waiting for his days to end...

He was a great man. A responsible man. He always took care of those around him, willingly sacrificing his own needs or ambitions. He was all things honorable... and yet, there he sat... in solitude... suffering from dementia... Though I admire him, I don’t want to spend my final years in solitude... I feel the need to change my ways. I need to overcome my indifference to solitude... and make the effort necessary so that I may spend my final years in the company of good friends.

Returned to States Postponed

27° F with clear skies

Colon cancer. It’s not so scary when you hear about it on TV, but it’s a different story when it hits close to home. It’s not someone I am close to, but he’s very important to a close friend. I found out today that he will be going under the knife this Thursday. I felt, once again, obligated to stay just in case of worse case scenario. So, I called the airline to postpone my return to the states for another week. I just hope everything goes smoothly and we can laugh about the whole thing couple of months from now.

Farewell Dinner with Officemates

Seoul: 28° F with clear skies

I only got to work with them for about four months, but they treated me as if I have worked with them for years. They were nice enough to throw me a farewell dinner couple of nights ago.

Perhaps it was the series of So-ju shots with little food in my stomach, but I had to use the restroom. The waitress pointed me to the general direction and after a bit stumbling, long and behold, I came across these signs:

 

It's a good thing I didn't have to take a dump, because I initially decyphered the signs (with my freshly well buzzed brain) as one for "takin' a leak" and the other for "takin' a dump." I had to take pictures... It's a keeper.

A Private Note

Usual spot, 3rd floor, Starbucks, MyungDong
Slightly cloudy 38° F

Here's a private note hidden inside a book somewhere in the world to be found. It may still be there...

I couldn’t resist leaving a note for you.

I guess we didn’t quite make it… But, I feel my life is fuller, to have been loved by you. Your smiles… your sweet voice with a touch of shyness… Whenever I thought of you, my heart overflowed with calming bliss. You brought light into my life when I was in dire need… You filled my life with vibrant colors… as if a thin gray film has been lifted from my life.

Thinking of you now brings peaceful sorrow… an enchantment of tender reminiscence…

Though we are no longer one, I will always think of the moments we savored together. I can never hold ill thoughts of you… I can only wish happiness in your future. You are… and always will be... the one...

Reader's Digest Condensed Books
Volume 5, 1984
Hanna & Walter, A Love Story
page 127

Sappy pathetic little note. I know. What can I say, I was listening to Howard Alden's album, My Shining Hour, when going through my scrapbook/brain-dump and this one stood out.

Precoital Bliss

3rd Floor, MyunDong Starbucks
33° F and slightly cloudy

I got up to my usual spot on the 3rd floor of MyungDong Starbucks to find it occupied by a couple in precoital bliss. Since this isn’t something you see everyday here in Seoul, I was taken a bit back. Koreans are usually quite private with affections and not in the habit of openly displaying such affection in public. I mean they were sucking each other's faces with hands all over each other; they were, actually still are, very much about-to-get-a-room precoital. It’s getting pretty serious by the minute. For a moment, I thought ‘why don’t they just get a room?!’ Then I remembered being that happy(?) with someone... seems like a lifetime ago, but I distinctly remember the one word that described how I felt: bliss. Then... their display of affection seemed beautiful... though the guy should really wait ‘til... oh, well... TOO LATE. I believe they unzipped something. I better give them their privacy.

The Fever Made Me (not) Do It.

3rd Floor, MyungDong Starbucks
Hazy 39° F

8 days ‘til my departure.

I’ve been sick the last few days. I haven’t been this sick in years. I couldn’t even leave the house. Today was the first day I felt brave enough to drag my sickly behind out of bed, bathe, and out into the city. Since I only have a few days left before my departure, I almost felt obligated to take as many pictures as possible. So, I walked all the way to GwangHwaMoon from my usual hangout to take some shots of the gate (“Moon” in GwangHwaMoon means “gate”) and surrounding structures... As I walked closer to the gate, a perfect image revealed itself and I stopped to take the picture... Damn. Just then I remembered... the last time I used the camera, I left it in my leather jacket. I always put things back in the same place so that I can find them even with my eyes closed... The fever must have been pretty high...

Great Love

Seoul: 33° F... it's dark outside.

Great love as defined by writers of Sex and the City:

Carrie:	And that phrase "great love," what does that even mean?
Charlotte:	It means, the love that changes you, that shakes you to your core after which you are never the same.

I thought such love did not exist until... it shook me to my core...

Days Like These...

Seoul: 42° F and foggy as hell
Fever (99.7° F), body ache, coughs, stomach flu

Days like these turn a grown man into a little baby in need of motherly love (not from mother). I think this is probably the only time when a man actually (and secretly) wants to be treated like a little baby. I miss crawling into a warm... soft... bed, feeling the presence of love near me...

Picture: me at 19 months.

Instant Trip Back Home via Google Earth

Seoul: 20° F with clear skies

I found out Google has finally released Mac OS X version of Google Earth today. I immediately downloaded it, installed it, and typed in my old address in Back Bay… There it was. The place I still consider my home. Judging from the shadows, the image was taken sometime between 10 to 11 AM. I remembered how much mid-day sun poured through my large windows… lighting up the entire room with glowing warmth on a lazy Sunday afternoon…

Back to the States...

MyungDong Starbucks near California Fitness
Seou: 36° F with clear skies

I’m going back to the states. I’ve changed my flight schedule to depart on the 25th of January. Self-imposed unpaid sabbatical is over. My brain needs stimulation… some challenge. I don’t have jobs lined up for me, with the exception of the one my brother is offering, but I know something will work out. It has to.

Quest for the Perfect Match / Soul Mate

Seoul: 42° F with slight overcast
Snowed last night (1st snow of 2006 in Seoul)

Here are some of the things I have learned from my own heartaches...

Age

Don’t marry early. I’ve heard too many people say “we married too early.” Men really don’t know what they are looking for until their hormones have had the time to settle and actually learn how to think with their heads. I think mid-thirties would, at the earliest, be ideal for men.

Frame of Mind

There are people who focus their lives mainly on the future and those who focus their lives main in the now (those who mainly focus their lives on the past need to get a shrink). For example, a person whose frame of mind is now, will watch a DVD and leave the DVD in the player. A person of future frame of mind will take the DVD out of the player and put it back in its case.* This may seem like nothing but when initial lust/love is over, this subtle difference in frame of mind can irritate each other into unnecessary quarrels. On bigger issues such as future plans, a person of now will look for practical plans when a person of the future will look at possibilities and come up with conflicting goals. Look for those with similar frame of mind. Your life will be a whole lot easier.

Look into the Future

Having had to live the reality, I know from quite a few first hand experiences that initial heart-pounding loves/lusts never do last. I give it anywhere from 6 months to 2 years, tops. That doesn’t mean two people cannot live happily ever after. People learn to love and respect one another, but more as a life companion and a friend rather than a passionate lover. So, if you look at the relationship between the person and his/her parent of opposite sex, you'll get a good picture of how the person you are dating will be when the initial passion has passed. For example, if your girlfriend treats her father in a manner you would like to be treated, then she might be the one. If a guy treats his mother like shit, find excuses and dump the guy immediately. Please do observe how the other person treats his/her parent (of opposite sex for heterosexuals) as the insight into your future with that person.

Common Hobbies

Going along the same line of thought as above, when two people want to enjoy a life-long friendship, it really helps to spend time together. There are no better ways to spend time together than to enjoy same hobbies. The overall feeling of well-being from enjoying life overflows to the person who’s always there to enjoy life with you.

* For a person of now, unless you're watching another DVD, it really doesn't matter if you take out the one you watched now or when you have to watch another. For a person of the future frame of mind, it logically makes sense to take the DVD out and to place it in its original case so that the next time you want to watch another DVD, you won't have to take the one that's already in the player in order to play the one you want to watch. You might also want to take the DVD with you or lend it to a friend, in which case it makes sense to always to put the DVD back in its case. Depending on the frame of mind they are both logically legitimate.

Guardian of My Childhood Memories

Coffee Bean near YeoYiDo station

I walked up the stairs… By the time I got out from the subway station, it had already begun to darken. Everything seemed foreign. The only familiar sight was the senate (?) building with its prominent green dome. As I began walking in the general direction of where my home used to be, I immediately noticed a huge change that had occurred during the last 25 years; what was once a vast open space was now a park. Perhaps because it was winter… or purhaps because it wasn’t what I had longed to see, but I didn’t like it being there; it was barren and impersonal. Open spaces had been replaced with suffocating giagantic buildings and the feel of home was nowhere to be found.

As I got closer to where home used to be, a dreaded feeling began to creep into my mind: ‘what if they tore it down?’ Suddenly, I felt a sense of loss with desperate urgency. I tried to find any trace of home. Then, there it was, in between huge concrete structures, I saw a familiar sight: stairs going up the side of an appartment building. I quickened my pace and came around the corner. There it was… the home of my childhood. It showed signs of age… but it alone stood where it used to be when everything else had changed around it… like a guardian of my childhood memories. It stood there solemnly… as if it had been waiting for me.

Top Rated Songs from My iTunes

Seoul: 17° F with clear skies

Someone once mentioned that you can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to... OK, I am not sure how that works, but I thought I would just put my list out there. Make of it what you will.

• A Kiss From You by Shirley Horn
• All Around (Telefon Tel Aviv Mix) by Bebel Gilberto
• All the Things You Are by Bill Evans
• The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice
• Boyfriend by Ashlee Simpson
• Caramel by Suzanne Vega
• Cool by Gwen Stefani
• Dance, Dance by Fall Out Boy
• Daughters by John Mayer
• Days of Wine and Roses by Wes Montgomery
• Don't Miss You At All by Norah Jones
• Don't Phunk with My Heart by Black Eyed Peas
• The Folks Who Live On The Hill by Bill Henderson
• The Girl From Ipanema by Astrud Gilberto
• Hey Mama by Black Eyed Peas
• Homebase by dZihan & Kamien
• I Loves You, Porgy by Bill Evans
• Joints and Jam by Black Eyed Peas
• Just a Lil Bit by 50 Cent
• Let Go by Frou Frou
• Let's Get It Started by Black Eyed Peas
• Love Won't Wait by Black Eyed Peas
• Mais Feliz by Bebel Gilberto
• Mi Cosa (My Thing) by Wes Montgomery
• Misty by Wes Montgomery
• Must Be Dreaming by Frou Frou
• My Humps by Black Eyed Peas
• The Nearness Of You by Norah Jones
• Oye Mi Canto (Radio) by Big Mato, Daddy Yankee, Gem Star, N.O.R.E. & Nina Skyy
• Painter Song by Norah Jones
• Photograph by Nickelback
• Pon de Replay (Radio Edit) by Rihanna
• Pump It by Black Eyed Peas
• The Real Thing by Gwen Stefani
• Rhapsody On a Theme of Paganini by John Barry & Chet Swiatkowski (movie: Somewhere In Time)
• Rich Girl (Radio Edit No. 1) by Gwen Stefani & Eve
• Selah by Lauryn Hill
• Sexy by Black Eyed Peas
• Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Chet Baker
• Sugar, We're Going Down by Fall Out Boy
• Switch by Will Smith
• Tanto Tempo by Bebel Gilberto
• Too Late Now by Wes Montgomery Trio
• What Kind Of Fool Am I? (Take 2) by Bill Evans
• Yesterday Was a Lie by Télépopmusik

OK... so I have way too much time on my hands...

Damn Curiosity, Conscience, and the Chronicles of Narnia

MyngDong Starbucks
Seoul: Damn too cold

Less than a week ago, I bought a couple of pirated movies just to take pictures of them for evidence for my blog (see Pirated Movies: AeonFlux & the Chronicles of Narnia). My curiosity got the better of me and I watched the pirated movies. Just as I had suspected, they were movies recorded on camcorders in theaters. Now that the Chronicles of Narnia has been released in Korea, I felt obligated to purchase the ticket… for a movie I have no intention of watching… Damn conscience!

Myself, defined in 4 letters: INTP

MyungDong Starbucks, Seoul

Few weeks ago, I took a slightly modified Myers-Briggs test. Since the test was translated and adapted into Korean, I can’t say the results are entirely accurate (I had to ask what the question meant quite a few times), but apparently I’m of type

INTP

That sort of explains why I chose to study Economics and became a software engineer. Here are some sites that describes what an INTP type is like:

• Portrait of an INTP
• Know Your Types: INTP
• The Myers & Briggs Foundataion

But then again, you should always take these sweeping generalizations with a grain of salt:

• the Skeptics Dictionary: Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

Update: see entry "You Are Faithful Inventor" (another personality test that seems somewhat accurate.

The Most Infuriating Behavior in a Relationship

Seoul: 30° F with clear skies
Still at MyungDong Starbucks

I was watching Sex and the City when Mr. Big’s words hit a nerve…

She can reach me, but I can’t get her. Ever!

Mr. Big
Episode: Belles of the Balls
Season 4 of Sex and the City

He’s talking about how he’s been trying to reach this woman and how she would never answer his calls. I’ve been there. It drives a man crazy. First few times, you can pass it off as unintentional and reason yourself into believing nothing is wrong; but, when it becomes a pattern, the situation turns any perfectly sane person into an insecure person with trust issues. This is probably the most infuriating behavior in a relationship. If you want to end a relationship badly, this would be the way to go.

The Tattoo I Never Got

Seoul: sunny 33° F
MyungDong Starbucks near California Fitness

I was going through some of my old files that I had backed up some time ago and came across the tattoo that I had designed but never got. Purhaps it was the stigma against tattoos in Korean culture or it was just too cute for a tattoo, but I never got around to getting it.

* Actually, I can’t take credit for the monkey. That character is from a Korean Flash animation series MashiMaro. I believe this particular character is called either Pista or Pistachi. I didn't think the creator would mind me tattooing his character permanently on my skin.

Mildly Haunting Reflection

Seoul: clear 33° F

I may have a problem… My sleep pattern is all out of wack…

Once again, I was still up at 01:57… I was browsing blogs when I looked up and notice my own reflection in the dark. It seemed mildly huanting. Naturally, I took the camera out and captured the moment.

A suggestion for 2006

Seoul: 33° F with slight overcast

Reminisce. Remembering the beautiful snippets of life allows you to understand how each moment can be precious and gives life its flavor.

Capture the moments. Take pictures and write your experience down anyway you can. Pictures and your own words will take you back in time when you need to reminisce.

Don’t dwell on the past. There’s a fine line between reminiscing and dwelling on the past; when reminiscing hinders your current life, you are dwelling on the past. Snap out of it!

old journal entries: Homage

2002.05.08 Tuesday
Inside Korean Air KE02, somewhere over Pacific

On Monday, I finally got to pay homage to my alma mater… I’ve had fond memories as a student there. The school gave me confidence when I needed it the most and vague but optimistic assurance of the future.

For the past year or so, with the approaching of pending doom – my 30’s – I have been struggling with my early onset of midlife crisis. I was desperately clinging on to my fleeting age of invincibility; I lost about 40 pounds, got in shape, started using skin care products (OK… I’m not proud of it) and began to dress young. Because of these efforts, I thought I might be able to blend in with the college crowd… only to realize the extent of my vanity; I must have looked like a senile old man in his 70’s in a muscle shirt trying to act cool… I realized I didn’t fit in any more. I was no longer young and vibrant. It was time for me to accept my age and grow up…

After some time of mourning the passing of my youth, I have accepted the fact that I have aged. Then, everything changed. From a pathetic old man trying to fit in with college crowd to an older observer of beautiful youth. Even though I wasn’t a part of the youth around me, I felt serene peacefulness; I began to appreciate the beauty that was bustling around me. I think return to my alma mater taught me more than I had expected. Once again, I owe UCLA for another turning point in my life.