My life doesn't seem fuller...

Toussaintkade
Den Haag, Netherlands
53.6° F (12° C) (feels colder though...)

It all started innocently enough. I tried not to kill my guests with my talent in culinary arts (lack thereof) and they continually disinfected and fortified their stomach lining with Polish rye vodka -- Wyborowa. Pretty soon, a liter of 80 proof refreshment was completely empty and we moved on to beer and wine. As the night went on, embarrassing life stories were told (mostly mine, I think), and the topic of marijuana came up quite naturally... or perhaps I blurted it out... I'm not entirely clear on that part. It appeared to me that this would be the perfectly logical and "legal" environment if I were to try it at least once in my life.

The idea of trying marijuana began to feel more and more enticing... Soon enough, we were walking toward the "coffee shop" around the corner to procure our (my) experiment. The veteran of such vice bought two pre-rolled joints, and I, being heavily intoxicated and being a first timer, bought one more... just in case.

We were sitting around a table on the back porch in a big circle. Just like American Indians of the wild west, we passed the lit joint around... taking turns in inhaling this sacred smoke. In sharing the smoke we were bonding our spirit in camaraderie.

'Wow, it tastes like cigarette...' I held it in... just as I had observed how joint should be smoked through immensely educational movies and TV. I didn't feel any difference. Someone commented... "this [joint] is quite weak." This gave me encouragements that I really did not need. I was determined to experience whatever I was supposed to experience. I inhaled deeper... and held it in longer... until... on my fourth inhale, I realized I was in trouble. My body felt like it had just tripled in weight. I felt my body sink deeply into the seat. I blurted out "Oh crap! Am I supposed to feel like this?" I set off a giggling session. But I couldn't join them... Something was definitely wrong. I mustered all the strength I had left to steady myself... my mind was focused solely on getting to the bathroom.

As I got inside the bathroom and locked the door, I exploded. The entire earth started swaying at twice the speed of a pendulum. I lost all strength in my legs and collapsed onto the floor. The toilet bowl was never so endearing in my life. I hugged and caressed it... toilet bowl was a friend... a very loving friend.

The girls in the group realized something was wrong. They knocked and forced me to speak to make sure I was still alive. The whole time I was straddling the gateway into the next world, I heard everything. I heard the laughter, the concern, the conversations... And whenever I heard footsteps toward the bathroom, I made an effort to make a little noise... It was all I could muster to let them know I was still breathing. At every attempt at regaining command of my own legs, my internal organs revolted into violent convulsions. I prayed "oh, God, oh God, please save me." I vowed never to go anywhere near it... I passed in and out of consciousness.

After everyone had gone home, I finally regained enough strength back in my legs to get up and walk out of the bathroom. All I remember is getting into bed... thinking 'I have had some embarrassing moments in my life, but this one takes the cake... great...'

• try marijuana: check
• puke all over someone else's bathroom: check
• get rescued off the bathroom floor: check

I have done something I wanted to try before I die, but somehow, my life really doesn't seem that much fuller.

Note: I am a classic example of everyone having different reaction to the same substance. The experience was worse than anything I have experienced in my entire life. Believe me, I once drank an entire bottle of wisky and did things I wasn't proud of... and things I wish I could forget, but this one was more than just embarrassing. It was scary. I heard marijuana was supposed to be a mild recreational substance... My body reacted in such an unexpected and violent ways... to a point where I truly believe that I could have died.